Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
