Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
...so i touched it.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
