Whatcha textin bout Willis?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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