the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
