I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
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Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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