it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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