My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
