True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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