theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
