He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
what day is it and did you see me today?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
