What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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