No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
