I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
