i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
is wine microwaveable?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
