So how was he last night?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!