Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
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Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
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Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots