I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.