So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"