Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.