i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
