College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
