You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
