I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
