No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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