We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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