I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize