I accidentally burped into my bong.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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