are you still at the devil's house?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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