he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
