Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I forget how to act sober
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
