how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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