Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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