I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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