at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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