shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
