I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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