absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
