But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
