he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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