FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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