His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
