Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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