just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
