I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
