Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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