We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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