ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
