just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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