bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We talked him into tasing himself.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
