I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
