If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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