he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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