I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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