This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
