First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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