I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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