The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
