The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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