plz talk dirty to me
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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