i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
