I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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