his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize