I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize