SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
