Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
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had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
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They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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