just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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