I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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