I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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