fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
