the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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