Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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